Sleeping well!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I was about to sleep. It was a bad day in office. I went home – switched on the TV and had my food. There were news of gunshots and grenade blasts in Mumbai. It was still going on for the second consecutive day and the reporters were bursting with news and live facts that they could gather from the Taj, Oberoi Trident and Nariman House. It was funny to see the neophytes talk without scripts. I wanted to be with them for some more time. I was hoping that they would tell that the fight is over and the buildings are sanitized. I was not able to stay awake and had to sleep. My eyes were weary and wanted to be closed. I switched off the TV and went straight to bed. Fell on it like a dead stick. Someone called from there. I knew it would want to talk. I said, “Yes.” The Pillow said, “Are you trying to sleep?” I said, “No, I am going to sleep.” I thought it would be enough; but no, the pillow continued, “How can you go to sleep, when so many people are still being held inside the buildings by those fanatics? How can you sleep when hundreds of Indian policemen are fighting against terror without food and sleep for scores of hours? Do you think the families of the deceased and the hostages are sleeping? If all these people are awake, can you sleep?” I did not want to answer. I had no answer, for that matter. I pulled one more pillow and covered my head and tried to shut the eyes. I was losing my sleep already, but did not want to stay awake. My friends, the pillows were determined this time, not to let me sleep. They started again, “You were asleep, when the terrorists crept in and killed so many people. You were asleep when they came in and planted bombs in different parts of the country which blew hundreds of people dead and injured. Will you still sleep? Is this a time to sleep? Won’t you go out and do something for this?” I thought, “What can I do?” It seems the pillows could read my mind too. They almost shouted, “Who else can do? Everyone is thinking like this and none is stepping forward. If you do not step forward, how can you expect someone else to obverse to deal with your issues – issues with your own country, your home? If you sleep, you should not expect anyone else to be awake – fighting for your country’s safety – your safety. Did you hear the blasts that took place in Jaipur, Bangalore, Agartala, Delhi and Mumbai? If you did not, who else would? If not you, who will face all these? Who will fight for you? Who will fight for the country? If you do not start, who will?” I disliked this. I did not want to discuss this now. It was not the time – and never the place. It was my bed and I was back after a hard day in office. I wanted to sleep. I was not allowed to. My friends were turning to be my foes. They were right, may be; but I did not want to think if they were not. I have not heard any of the blasts – neither the ones in Bangalore, where I live, nor the ones in Agartala, my native town. Probably I was sleeping. If not, I was in office, resolving technical issues of US people. It has to be shameful but I could not help it. I am having a hard time in office earning my bread and butter. I am not getting paid for what I am doing in office and there is no increment in my salary this time. I had plans – which are now nothing but ruins. I have to talk to my parents regarding a hell lot of issues which I am not able to do for a long time now. I have to fix my fridge and the fan in the bedroom. I have so many works pending – I am just not doing them. And now, the pillows wanted me to fight for the nation? They wanted me to fight the terrorists? What nonsense! What can I do? How can I make any difference? I am no leader, neither am I an activist nor do I have commando training. I am a simple lower middle class man, trying to be the backbone of my family. I do not have time to do my household works, how would I go fight with the extremists there? However, the pillows had good points and their questions were not wrong. But I had no answer. (I still do not have any.) Probably I should think about this – but when and how? I kept on thinking…

The next time I opened my eyes, it was already passed 3 PM. I was late. I left the bed in a jerk. Inserted the tooth brush in my mouth and switched on the TV. The terrorists were still there – the commandoes were still there – the news reporters were still there – the panic was still there. Nothing changed while I was sleeping. Phew! I looked back at the pillows, now scattered hither and thither on the bed and wanted to tell, “See, nothing has changed. Everything is same there.” I laughed within in satisfaction. Then another thought came to my mind: Is it because I was sleeping, that nothing has changed and more panic has been created? I do not know – I am still searching for an answer here …